A few observations:
Chai tea is gross. No matter how much you want to like it, no matter how convinced you are that you've finally become a tea drinker and can sip with the best of them, somehow you still can't stomach the odd gingerbread-y taste of chai tea. Even when the nice man behind the counter puts honey in it for you.
Swiss watches are expensive. And just because you're a college student, and want one for a Christmas present, and spotted the perfect one in a store window, doesn't mean that the price drops down from the thousands where it currently lingers with a Grinch-like grin.
Showing posts with label Pessimism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pessimism. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A Few Things
A few things:
1. Boy, am I clunky when I'm tired. I must have bashed my hip against a dozen different things today at work. Aforementioned tiredness stemmed from all of our smoke alarms going off at 3:38 a.m. this morning. For no apparent reason. And then, despite there being no apparent reason (Mom and I scoured the house), I couldn't get back to sleep. I kept thinking I smelled smoke, and then I had to mentally run through my fire escape route (I'm going traditional: out the window). And THEN I had to figure out which items I would save from my room in case of a fire****. Poetry book from my grandpa, my journal, and my laptop. If I really have lots of time, I would probably go for my 'writing' drawer as well.
2. My Mom just got a Facebook. My Mom just got a Facebook and friend requested me. I must be some sort of demon child, because I'm actually thinking about whether or not I should accept. It's not like I ever put anything really private or really crazy on FB that I wouldn't want my mother to see, it's just that FB is my thing. It's a young adult thing. It's uncharted parent-kid territory. And I don't know if I want to go there.
3. I mowed the lawn for the very first time today. I've wanted to try it for years and years, but since we have a ride mower, and since our yard is hilly and perilous, the job was always better left up to Dad. However, since the lake is down so many feet, and since the grass down there (where water used to be) is fluorishing, I decided to drag the push mower down and have at it. Mowing was actually kind of fun. In fact, the only downside was that my arms started to ache after awhile because the handle (?) was way too low. Another downside would be the dead fish. Another downside would be accidently running over a dead fish and having its half-rotted skin shoot out from under the mower and hit your bare leg. Another downside would be that when you screamed, you forgot that screams echo across lakes. Another downside would be that a fisherman in a boat far away heard you and looked up at you with annoyance and then shook his head. Another downside would be that you haven't read The Old Man and the Sea, so you can't even make a brilliant allusion here. Other than those things, though, mowing was good.
4. We are finally finally finally going to see Water for Elephants. I'm even behaving and refraining from reading reviews ahead of time. When I read reviews ahead of time, I tend to get really cynical about movies. This annoys my darling sister, who likes to give even the worst films some credit. So I'm staying away from IMDB. For now.
****Note: This is assuming that all family members/pets/pets who are family members are already safely out of the house.
1. Boy, am I clunky when I'm tired. I must have bashed my hip against a dozen different things today at work. Aforementioned tiredness stemmed from all of our smoke alarms going off at 3:38 a.m. this morning. For no apparent reason. And then, despite there being no apparent reason (Mom and I scoured the house), I couldn't get back to sleep. I kept thinking I smelled smoke, and then I had to mentally run through my fire escape route (I'm going traditional: out the window). And THEN I had to figure out which items I would save from my room in case of a fire****. Poetry book from my grandpa, my journal, and my laptop. If I really have lots of time, I would probably go for my 'writing' drawer as well.
2. My Mom just got a Facebook. My Mom just got a Facebook and friend requested me. I must be some sort of demon child, because I'm actually thinking about whether or not I should accept. It's not like I ever put anything really private or really crazy on FB that I wouldn't want my mother to see, it's just that FB is my thing. It's a young adult thing. It's uncharted parent-kid territory. And I don't know if I want to go there.
3. I mowed the lawn for the very first time today. I've wanted to try it for years and years, but since we have a ride mower, and since our yard is hilly and perilous, the job was always better left up to Dad. However, since the lake is down so many feet, and since the grass down there (where water used to be) is fluorishing, I decided to drag the push mower down and have at it. Mowing was actually kind of fun. In fact, the only downside was that my arms started to ache after awhile because the handle (?) was way too low. Another downside would be the dead fish. Another downside would be accidently running over a dead fish and having its half-rotted skin shoot out from under the mower and hit your bare leg. Another downside would be that when you screamed, you forgot that screams echo across lakes. Another downside would be that a fisherman in a boat far away heard you and looked up at you with annoyance and then shook his head. Another downside would be that you haven't read The Old Man and the Sea, so you can't even make a brilliant allusion here. Other than those things, though, mowing was good.
4. We are finally finally finally going to see Water for Elephants. I'm even behaving and refraining from reading reviews ahead of time. When I read reviews ahead of time, I tend to get really cynical about movies. This annoys my darling sister, who likes to give even the worst films some credit. So I'm staying away from IMDB. For now.
****Note: This is assuming that all family members/pets/pets who are family members are already safely out of the house.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Jens and Jutta
I just received quite a gem of a voicemail.
Since this is a public blog, and since my name is on said public blog (great idea, Hol), I can't go into much detail.
In short, the voicemail questions the quality of my education, accuses me of stealing, and has a tone of overall doubt that I am a person worth leaving a voicemail for.
I'm keeping this one forever.
I have it saved.
Because you know what?
I've never had a problem with being young. I've never hated my age because "adults don't take me seriously." Adults do take me seriously. At least, all the adults I've been lucky enough to know so far do. I rarely feel like I'm being talked down to, I rarely feel like what I have to say holds no weight. Maybe this is just a side effect of being a college student; college is like the real world, except you're treated better, I guess.
In the real world, however, as this voicemail so kindly informs me, if you're under 25, you don't really count. You're ill-equipped.
Sure I'm ill-equipped. But what if you equip me before you jump down my throat for my lack of competence? What if you tell me how before blaming me for not knowing how? What if you answer my questions without sneering at me for having them in the first place?
It's like in my German class when we would look at a series of pictures with captions and put them into order. It doesn't make sense for Jens to get a D on his test before he even takes the test. It doesn't make sense for Jutta to be grounded before she even breaks the vase.
Evidently, Jens and Jutta only exist in Beginning German.
Since this is a public blog, and since my name is on said public blog (great idea, Hol), I can't go into much detail.
In short, the voicemail questions the quality of my education, accuses me of stealing, and has a tone of overall doubt that I am a person worth leaving a voicemail for.
I'm keeping this one forever.
I have it saved.
Because you know what?
I've never had a problem with being young. I've never hated my age because "adults don't take me seriously." Adults do take me seriously. At least, all the adults I've been lucky enough to know so far do. I rarely feel like I'm being talked down to, I rarely feel like what I have to say holds no weight. Maybe this is just a side effect of being a college student; college is like the real world, except you're treated better, I guess.
In the real world, however, as this voicemail so kindly informs me, if you're under 25, you don't really count. You're ill-equipped.
Sure I'm ill-equipped. But what if you equip me before you jump down my throat for my lack of competence? What if you tell me how before blaming me for not knowing how? What if you answer my questions without sneering at me for having them in the first place?
It's like in my German class when we would look at a series of pictures with captions and put them into order. It doesn't make sense for Jens to get a D on his test before he even takes the test. It doesn't make sense for Jutta to be grounded before she even breaks the vase.
Evidently, Jens and Jutta only exist in Beginning German.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
A Downer Day
It's been a downer day for me.
In order to write last night's brilliant post (you can chuckle at this. I am.), I had to sacrifice quite a bit of sleep.
Lack of sleep meant that I was pretty much a space cadet the entire time I was at work.
I bumbled around stupidly.
I punched in when I wasn't supposed to.
I banged my arm against a shelf (bruise is appearing slowly but surely).
And last but not least, I somehow thought that I worked 8-4. It was 3:00 when I finally figured out that I was actually only supposed to work until noon.
On the way home I stopped at the library. Libraries usually cheer me up, but somehow, it didn't work today. I got 8 books, but only 1 that I really want to read. Outside of the library, there was a big construction zone where they were tearing up part of the sidewalk. I'm tired of construction. It seems like all of Forest Lake is one big "CONSTRUCTION GOING ON, PLEASE TAKE DETOUR." I'm tired of detours. I don't care what anyone says, roundabouts are not all they're cracked up to be. I have yielding issues.
Now I'm sitting in bed dragging myself down slowly but surely (mentally bruising??? (see above)). It's a sad sad thing to be doing on a Tuesday night, but when I'm in a funk like this there's not much of an escape. I worked on my Press article for a while, but it started to give me a headache; council meeting coverage not only requires an annoying amount of precision, but it's also kind of boring. Don't tell anyone I said that.
I guess I can read, but I'm currently stuck in the middle of "The Handmaid's Tale." This book disappoints me. I'll probably explain why once I've finished.
Sorry for lack of eloquence, optimism, excitement, etc. I'll try to be up to snuff tomorrow.
In order to write last night's brilliant post (you can chuckle at this. I am.), I had to sacrifice quite a bit of sleep.
Lack of sleep meant that I was pretty much a space cadet the entire time I was at work.
I bumbled around stupidly.
I punched in when I wasn't supposed to.
I banged my arm against a shelf (bruise is appearing slowly but surely).
And last but not least, I somehow thought that I worked 8-4. It was 3:00 when I finally figured out that I was actually only supposed to work until noon.
On the way home I stopped at the library. Libraries usually cheer me up, but somehow, it didn't work today. I got 8 books, but only 1 that I really want to read. Outside of the library, there was a big construction zone where they were tearing up part of the sidewalk. I'm tired of construction. It seems like all of Forest Lake is one big "CONSTRUCTION GOING ON, PLEASE TAKE DETOUR." I'm tired of detours. I don't care what anyone says, roundabouts are not all they're cracked up to be. I have yielding issues.
Now I'm sitting in bed dragging myself down slowly but surely (mentally bruising??? (see above)). It's a sad sad thing to be doing on a Tuesday night, but when I'm in a funk like this there's not much of an escape. I worked on my Press article for a while, but it started to give me a headache; council meeting coverage not only requires an annoying amount of precision, but it's also kind of boring. Don't tell anyone I said that.
I guess I can read, but I'm currently stuck in the middle of "The Handmaid's Tale." This book disappoints me. I'll probably explain why once I've finished.
Sorry for lack of eloquence, optimism, excitement, etc. I'll try to be up to snuff tomorrow.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Stage 2
Currently in Stage 2 of The Cold. I get The Cold a few times every year. I'm convinced it's the exact same virus, because I've actually tracked the stages, and they have nearly identical symptoms every time. Stage 2 is a throat that aches whenever I swallow, but that still feels moist (no dry cough or anything).
I hate Stage 2.
I also hate trying to finish a paper during Stage 2.
I also hate that it's my friend's birthday celebration tonight, and I'm left with only two options:
a) Go, but go as a shadow of my normal self. Sit in corner silently whining about sore throat and be miserable.
b) Stay in bed, read/sleep/watch a movie and be way more comfortable, but still miserable.
The Cold strikes again.
I hate Stage 2.
I also hate trying to finish a paper during Stage 2.
I also hate that it's my friend's birthday celebration tonight, and I'm left with only two options:
a) Go, but go as a shadow of my normal self. Sit in corner silently whining about sore throat and be miserable.
b) Stay in bed, read/sleep/watch a movie and be way more comfortable, but still miserable.
The Cold strikes again.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Another 2 a.m. Paper
Why do I do this to myself?
Why am I sitting here at 2:02 a.m. typing a 5 page research paper draft that's due tomorrow?
I've had weeks to work on the thing.
I've done pretty much zero research.
I've spent minimum time thinking about my topic (not that it's uninteresting).
The result of this lack of diligence?
Tomorrow, I will doubtlessly be turning in a draft that consists of me vomiting out my opinions on my topic.
It will a be a research-less research paper draft.
Of course, I will have b.s.-ed in my cover letter.
Something like, "I felt it was best to use my draft to discover what I think about my topic, and then implement my research later on."
My writing professor, being an extremely sharp person, will certainly see through said b.s.
Darn it.
You just can't win at 2:06 a.m. 2:07 is looking bright, though...
Anyway, said procrastination was actually not entirely procrastination. Most of it was actually lack of time to work on something long term. It's hard, you know, to make time for a paper that's due in a few weeks when you have a German test tomorrow, and an Honors paper due on Monday, and a 400 page novel to read in six days.
Plus I have work. Lots of work. Information Desk, Writing Room, Social Science Office.
And then there's writing an article a week for the campus newspaper, MCSA meetings, and various campus events.
Also social things. I need to have a life. I'm not one of those people who can just shut themselves off from everyone for a week on end. If I don't have time where I can hang out with my friends and not worry about anything else, I go crazy. Certifiable.
You know, it's suddenly striking me that I've had a lot of negative posts lately. I'm sorry. My life is by no means negative.
For example, today I had my first three intramural badminton matches. I'm afraid I lost all three, but they were all certainly interesting. Badminton has never struck me as a very intense sport, but let me tell you that I was absolutely drenched in sweat by the time I was done. I was also pretty sore; as you know, I'm not a coordinated person, so I was tripping over my own feet and getting my legs tangled and doing awkward lunge-type moves in pursuit of that darn birdie.
Overall, though (and here's the happy part at last), I had a lot of fun. I've always enjoyed playing sports, even though I'm by no means a great athlete. Next time, however, I'd like to win a little bit.
Why am I sitting here at 2:02 a.m. typing a 5 page research paper draft that's due tomorrow?
I've had weeks to work on the thing.
I've done pretty much zero research.
I've spent minimum time thinking about my topic (not that it's uninteresting).
The result of this lack of diligence?
Tomorrow, I will doubtlessly be turning in a draft that consists of me vomiting out my opinions on my topic.
It will a be a research-less research paper draft.
Of course, I will have b.s.-ed in my cover letter.
Something like, "I felt it was best to use my draft to discover what I think about my topic, and then implement my research later on."
My writing professor, being an extremely sharp person, will certainly see through said b.s.
Darn it.
You just can't win at 2:06 a.m. 2:07 is looking bright, though...
Anyway, said procrastination was actually not entirely procrastination. Most of it was actually lack of time to work on something long term. It's hard, you know, to make time for a paper that's due in a few weeks when you have a German test tomorrow, and an Honors paper due on Monday, and a 400 page novel to read in six days.
Plus I have work. Lots of work. Information Desk, Writing Room, Social Science Office.
And then there's writing an article a week for the campus newspaper, MCSA meetings, and various campus events.
Also social things. I need to have a life. I'm not one of those people who can just shut themselves off from everyone for a week on end. If I don't have time where I can hang out with my friends and not worry about anything else, I go crazy. Certifiable.
You know, it's suddenly striking me that I've had a lot of negative posts lately. I'm sorry. My life is by no means negative.
For example, today I had my first three intramural badminton matches. I'm afraid I lost all three, but they were all certainly interesting. Badminton has never struck me as a very intense sport, but let me tell you that I was absolutely drenched in sweat by the time I was done. I was also pretty sore; as you know, I'm not a coordinated person, so I was tripping over my own feet and getting my legs tangled and doing awkward lunge-type moves in pursuit of that darn birdie.
Overall, though (and here's the happy part at last), I had a lot of fun. I've always enjoyed playing sports, even though I'm by no means a great athlete. Next time, however, I'd like to win a little bit.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Perceptions of Morris, an Email Story
Email No. 1:
Hey everybody!!!
I just want to write to everyone and say.....
I love you. I love morris. Here are my reasons for loving morris:
(btw taco i had you in mind when i wrote this)
i love that winter lasts 9 months out of the year here
i love the smell of manure in the morning.
i love how people never hold open the door when im right behind you
i love how the members of mpirg say they want to "help the earth" and "save
humanity" yet only one member shows up for the highway cleanup and not one
member participated in the food drive last semester
i love how you all think you are going to change the world
i love how you pretend to look at your phone as i walk by when you very
well know im walking toward you
i love how everyone here is so friendly towards me at face value only
i love the passive aggressive use of facebook
i love how you all think this school is better than harvard
i love the professors sunny attitudes and friendly dispositions :) while
they are telling me i am an idiot
i love how people insist on their love for morris then leave every weekend
for somewhere else
i love how no one boos anyone off stage at open mic even though our ears
are crying blood
i love that the city doesn't snow plow unless they feel like it even though
there is a foot of snow on the streets and even walking is difficult
i love that everyone judges
i love that all the science majors think each class is like some kind of
"competition" and refuse to help eachother out
i love that you make me feel like May 14th is so many years away
i love that i will never ever come back
PEACE
Email No. 2:
In response to an e-mail sent out to the listserv a bit ago, I would like to
share my personal feelings about Morris and the people here. There's enough
hate in this world, we don't need to feel miserable about ourselves.
Oh, Morris, how I love thee. Let me count the ways...
I love how tuition is so low that people like me actually get paid to study
here.
I love the small class sizes.
I love the theatre discipline, that's small enough to give me plenty of
opportunities to develop my skills without being constantly shot down my
competition.
I love the sense of pride this school has, so, even when we know we aren't
the best, we at least feel like we are.
I love how, out of all the places I've lived in my 20 years on this earth,
Morris is the only place that has ever made me feel at home.
I love when we always complain that it's too hot or too cold, but, in our
hearts, we wouldn't want it any other way.
I love that, even if we don't actually *do* all the things we say we want to
do to help the world, we at least have the brains and the balls to admit
that something's wrong and we need to do something about it.
I love when people you barely know can tell something's troubling you, and
will make sure you get a hug or an anonymous letter in your PO box.
I love how the campus is so small that you know a majority of the people you
cross paths with.
I love that you can go a day with three of your professors saying an offhand
remark that significantly boosts your self-esteem.
I love that when a friend says they love you, they really do love you.
I love how, even if it isn't expected that you'll make something of
yourself, you are still given the fuel to keep on dreaming.
I love how students are given the opportunity to be an active member of a
discipline that is not their own.
I love that you can be friends with your neighbor.
I love how Morris is big enough that you can always find something to do,
but small enough that you can live on one side of town and walk to campus on
the other.
I love how classmates and professors will constantly push you to step out of
your comfort zone and try something new.
I love that these new things you're pressured to try usually end up being
tons of fun.
I love how everyone I know here is now part of my extended "Morris family."
I love how, when something like a laptop gets stolen, the entire community
comes together to defend and protect the victim.
I love that you don't have to lock your bike up for fear of it being stolen.
I love how we're sophisticated, but not pretentious.
I love American Indian tuition waivers.
I love our one grocery store, even if its name is a double-entendre.
I love how I can come up with more good things about this town than bad.
I love that the LGBT community on this campus actually has strength.
I love that, as a gay person, I don't have to feel ashamed or embarrassed
while I'm here.
I love how I can still be great friends with my biggest competition.
I love you.
So turn those frowns upside-down, my fellow UMM-ers! I've only been here for
three semesters, but it has, and I'm being completely sincere when I say
this, the best year-and--half of my life. I'm sorry that some people have
had an awful experience during their stay here, but I just wanted to
reassure anyone questioning the quality of life in this gorgeous town that
there are people who love it here.
Thanks for reading.
Ian Bloomquist
Hey everybody!!!
I just want to write to everyone and say.....
I love you. I love morris. Here are my reasons for loving morris:
(btw taco i had you in mind when i wrote this)
i love that winter lasts 9 months out of the year here
i love the smell of manure in the morning.
i love how people never hold open the door when im right behind you
i love how the members of mpirg say they want to "help the earth" and "save
humanity" yet only one member shows up for the highway cleanup and not one
member participated in the food drive last semester
i love how you all think you are going to change the world
i love how you pretend to look at your phone as i walk by when you very
well know im walking toward you
i love how everyone here is so friendly towards me at face value only
i love the passive aggressive use of facebook
i love how you all think this school is better than harvard
i love the professors sunny attitudes and friendly dispositions :) while
they are telling me i am an idiot
i love how people insist on their love for morris then leave every weekend
for somewhere else
i love how no one boos anyone off stage at open mic even though our ears
are crying blood
i love that the city doesn't snow plow unless they feel like it even though
there is a foot of snow on the streets and even walking is difficult
i love that everyone judges
i love that all the science majors think each class is like some kind of
"competition" and refuse to help eachother out
i love that you make me feel like May 14th is so many years away
i love that i will never ever come back
PEACE
Email No. 2:
In response to an e-mail sent out to the listserv a bit ago, I would like to
share my personal feelings about Morris and the people here. There's enough
hate in this world, we don't need to feel miserable about ourselves.
Oh, Morris, how I love thee. Let me count the ways...
I love how tuition is so low that people like me actually get paid to study
here.
I love the small class sizes.
I love the theatre discipline, that's small enough to give me plenty of
opportunities to develop my skills without being constantly shot down my
competition.
I love the sense of pride this school has, so, even when we know we aren't
the best, we at least feel like we are.
I love how, out of all the places I've lived in my 20 years on this earth,
Morris is the only place that has ever made me feel at home.
I love when we always complain that it's too hot or too cold, but, in our
hearts, we wouldn't want it any other way.
I love that, even if we don't actually *do* all the things we say we want to
do to help the world, we at least have the brains and the balls to admit
that something's wrong and we need to do something about it.
I love when people you barely know can tell something's troubling you, and
will make sure you get a hug or an anonymous letter in your PO box.
I love how the campus is so small that you know a majority of the people you
cross paths with.
I love that you can go a day with three of your professors saying an offhand
remark that significantly boosts your self-esteem.
I love that when a friend says they love you, they really do love you.
I love how, even if it isn't expected that you'll make something of
yourself, you are still given the fuel to keep on dreaming.
I love how students are given the opportunity to be an active member of a
discipline that is not their own.
I love that you can be friends with your neighbor.
I love how Morris is big enough that you can always find something to do,
but small enough that you can live on one side of town and walk to campus on
the other.
I love how classmates and professors will constantly push you to step out of
your comfort zone and try something new.
I love that these new things you're pressured to try usually end up being
tons of fun.
I love how everyone I know here is now part of my extended "Morris family."
I love how, when something like a laptop gets stolen, the entire community
comes together to defend and protect the victim.
I love that you don't have to lock your bike up for fear of it being stolen.
I love how we're sophisticated, but not pretentious.
I love American Indian tuition waivers.
I love our one grocery store, even if its name is a double-entendre.
I love how I can come up with more good things about this town than bad.
I love that the LGBT community on this campus actually has strength.
I love that, as a gay person, I don't have to feel ashamed or embarrassed
while I'm here.
I love how I can still be great friends with my biggest competition.
I love you.
So turn those frowns upside-down, my fellow UMM-ers! I've only been here for
three semesters, but it has, and I'm being completely sincere when I say
this, the best year-and--half of my life. I'm sorry that some people have
had an awful experience during their stay here, but I just wanted to
reassure anyone questioning the quality of life in this gorgeous town that
there are people who love it here.
Thanks for reading.
Ian Bloomquist
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Katherine Mansfield
Exactly thirty-three minutes ago marked the beginning of Finals Week. Appropriately, I've been studying more or less all day.
It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm melting into the bed on which I'm sprawled, and my nose, which nearly touches my open British Literature Anthology in earnestness, is simply sinking into its pages.
Then of course I have to sit up, make the awkward half-leap from bed to chair to floor, and hurry into the hallway under pretense of getting a drink. There, in the semi-darkness, I can breathe again.
Another result of my prolonged time in our small dorm room is that I am now well attuned to Ally's coughs. She has a cold of some sort, and every time I hear a sharp intake of air from her loft, I brace myself for the short hacking cough that follows. Each one lasts no longer than a second, but every so often there will be several of them in a row. It is then that I have to hunch down against my papers and close my eyes.
I'm still plugging away, though. One 750-word Brit. Lit. Essay, and 58 pages of reading in my crusades book left. Then I can shower and fall into sleep.
It's funny, but sometimes I long so much to be at home that I throw myself into my work in order to make Wednesday come faster. Other times I forget why I even want to leave. Why would I leave this life of friends and school, where my only real job is to learn as much as I can, and retain some semblance of what I learn?
I feel like the vague hero in some Shakespeare play. Hamlet, maybe? "To study, or not to study, that is the question!"
It's no question, really, I know. Still, I think it's one I'll be constantly asking myself until all is done.
You can go back to whatever you're doing now. But before you drop into your recliner, the TV remote stuck to your hand with a crust of popcorn grease and relaxation, please throw a few thoughts back for me. I'll be here.
P.S. Forgive the desperate title. It's the author of the short story I'm analyzing for my essay.
It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm melting into the bed on which I'm sprawled, and my nose, which nearly touches my open British Literature Anthology in earnestness, is simply sinking into its pages.
Then of course I have to sit up, make the awkward half-leap from bed to chair to floor, and hurry into the hallway under pretense of getting a drink. There, in the semi-darkness, I can breathe again.
Another result of my prolonged time in our small dorm room is that I am now well attuned to Ally's coughs. She has a cold of some sort, and every time I hear a sharp intake of air from her loft, I brace myself for the short hacking cough that follows. Each one lasts no longer than a second, but every so often there will be several of them in a row. It is then that I have to hunch down against my papers and close my eyes.
I'm still plugging away, though. One 750-word Brit. Lit. Essay, and 58 pages of reading in my crusades book left. Then I can shower and fall into sleep.
It's funny, but sometimes I long so much to be at home that I throw myself into my work in order to make Wednesday come faster. Other times I forget why I even want to leave. Why would I leave this life of friends and school, where my only real job is to learn as much as I can, and retain some semblance of what I learn?
I feel like the vague hero in some Shakespeare play. Hamlet, maybe? "To study, or not to study, that is the question!"
It's no question, really, I know. Still, I think it's one I'll be constantly asking myself until all is done.
You can go back to whatever you're doing now. But before you drop into your recliner, the TV remote stuck to your hand with a crust of popcorn grease and relaxation, please throw a few thoughts back for me. I'll be here.
P.S. Forgive the desperate title. It's the author of the short story I'm analyzing for my essay.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
It's Pessimism Day
Pessimism is not something that I appreciate in the slightest. I find it to be an annoying quality, and I usually do not like to be around people who possess it. Don't get me wrong; even as an optimist I recognize that life is not wonderful and lovely in every way all the time. I simply prefer to find the good in situations and suppress the bad as best I can until I absolutely have to face it.
Today, however, is Pessimism Day. Don't check your calendars; I just made this one up, folks. But I feel like I need this venting, whether because I just haven't felt like myself lately and need to throw out an anchor of some sort, or because my day has been largely disappointing. We'll see, I guess.
Pessimismisms:
1. I had to wake up at 7:00 this morning, which gave me about 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep.
2. I didn't speak up in British Literature once, possibly because of the aforementioned exhaustion.
3. I have to revise the paper that I'm entering in an essay contest by February 15th, which is really soon considering how busy my life is right now.
4. Two different Pine boys asked two different Pine girls out today. Call me petty, but I didn't want either of these couples to develop for various reasons, and I don't think that they'll last very long. They're just two more Jenga blocks on the Pine Tower of Drama.
5. I said something really stupid in my Crusades class this afternoon. I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm just having a lot of trouble asserting my opinions in that class, and when I do they're completely weak and desperate (we get points for participation). I'm not sure if I'm intimidated by how big the class is, or how vocal everyone is, but the situation is just getting ridiculous. I know that I'm intelligent enough to be an asset to that class. I just need the courage put forth something original, and the sanity to think of better answers faster.
6. I didn't have time for lunch today, hence my stomach growled through all of my classes.
7. I really need to apply for a job here, but I don't have the time. It's only 2 hours a day 5 days a week, but I honestly can't spare that. Between studying and classes and activities I'm pretty much booked all day.
8. I'm tired of this. I feel like a whiny child, and furthermore, my life is not all bad by any means. Furthermore furthermore, this list is depressing me.
If you're thinking that this was some sort of moral-induced post, and that I planned to change my mind at the end and to go back to optimism, you're wrong. This post has just put things in perspective for me.
Here's your moral anyway: If you sit back and look at any situation long enough, you can find plenty of bad. However, if you make the bad the focus of your life, you'll only make yourself miserable and miss out on all the good (I got an A on my Communications, Media, and Rhetoric paper).
Stay gold, Ponyboy.
Today, however, is Pessimism Day. Don't check your calendars; I just made this one up, folks. But I feel like I need this venting, whether because I just haven't felt like myself lately and need to throw out an anchor of some sort, or because my day has been largely disappointing. We'll see, I guess.
Pessimismisms:
1. I had to wake up at 7:00 this morning, which gave me about 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep.
2. I didn't speak up in British Literature once, possibly because of the aforementioned exhaustion.
3. I have to revise the paper that I'm entering in an essay contest by February 15th, which is really soon considering how busy my life is right now.
4. Two different Pine boys asked two different Pine girls out today. Call me petty, but I didn't want either of these couples to develop for various reasons, and I don't think that they'll last very long. They're just two more Jenga blocks on the Pine Tower of Drama.
5. I said something really stupid in my Crusades class this afternoon. I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm just having a lot of trouble asserting my opinions in that class, and when I do they're completely weak and desperate (we get points for participation). I'm not sure if I'm intimidated by how big the class is, or how vocal everyone is, but the situation is just getting ridiculous. I know that I'm intelligent enough to be an asset to that class. I just need the courage put forth something original, and the sanity to think of better answers faster.
6. I didn't have time for lunch today, hence my stomach growled through all of my classes.
7. I really need to apply for a job here, but I don't have the time. It's only 2 hours a day 5 days a week, but I honestly can't spare that. Between studying and classes and activities I'm pretty much booked all day.
8. I'm tired of this. I feel like a whiny child, and furthermore, my life is not all bad by any means. Furthermore furthermore, this list is depressing me.
If you're thinking that this was some sort of moral-induced post, and that I planned to change my mind at the end and to go back to optimism, you're wrong. This post has just put things in perspective for me.
Here's your moral anyway: If you sit back and look at any situation long enough, you can find plenty of bad. However, if you make the bad the focus of your life, you'll only make yourself miserable and miss out on all the good (I got an A on my Communications, Media, and Rhetoric paper).
Stay gold, Ponyboy.
Monday, November 30, 2009
I'm Not Going to Talk About Thanksgiving
Not that it wasn't sensational and relaxing and delicious. It certainly was. But last year I wrote a really long description of Thanksgiving at my house, and I'm not sure I'm up to doing it again. Feel free to look back if you wish.
I suppose right now I'm into talking about fairly negative things. I was in a really good mood earlier today, and now it's ruined and I'm very upset about it all. Wow these sentences are wonderful. Really, they are. Who needs compounds? It's better to write like a ten-year-old. Yippee!
Alright, sorry. Enough sarcasm.
Things I hate:
1. Good days turning bad
2. Boring essay assignments
3. When it's hot in my room
4. Sleep deprivation
5. Clumsy moments
6. Posters that fall down once a week
7. Wanting to make someone laugh so badly that you try too hard and end up sounding idiotic
8. One-sided conversations
9. Headaches
10. Misunderstandings
I sincerely apologize for this depressing list, and I hope that I'm not bringing you down as well. I'm honestly usually a fairly opimistic person, but everyone has their days, I guess.
Okay this is really poor writing so I'll just quit while I'm behind.
See you later.
I suppose right now I'm into talking about fairly negative things. I was in a really good mood earlier today, and now it's ruined and I'm very upset about it all. Wow these sentences are wonderful. Really, they are. Who needs compounds? It's better to write like a ten-year-old. Yippee!
Alright, sorry. Enough sarcasm.
Things I hate:
1. Good days turning bad
2. Boring essay assignments
3. When it's hot in my room
4. Sleep deprivation
5. Clumsy moments
6. Posters that fall down once a week
7. Wanting to make someone laugh so badly that you try too hard and end up sounding idiotic
8. One-sided conversations
9. Headaches
10. Misunderstandings
I sincerely apologize for this depressing list, and I hope that I'm not bringing you down as well. I'm honestly usually a fairly opimistic person, but everyone has their days, I guess.
Okay this is really poor writing so I'll just quit while I'm behind.
See you later.
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