The Dreaded Writing Sample

Here's that writing sample that terrified me so much last night. It still terrifies me, but I'm happy to have it done and sent in. I could have used some old material, but everything saved on Mac just seemed so juvenile. So, in true Holly fashion (well, in true Holly Fantasy Study Abroad fashion), I spent the entire day dashing about Paris, staring at Marcel Proust and Oscar Wilde's graves (asking for some help in the inspiration department), and I whipped out this tidbit an hour ago. I hope it's all right. I know it's nothing wonderful, but it reflects what I've been dealing with today, and I actually think it's kind of funny. I hope the professor agrees...


I tried to count, once, how many times you complained. I used my fingers, because I thought keeping a tally in my notepad would be too obvious, and maybe too concrete. One for your feet hurting, two for having to use the bathroom (yet again was what I didn’t say out loud), three was that you have to work over break, and oh man, you have to drive to Springfield to cosign your house lease.

After three, my fingers clenched into fists of their own accord, and I found myself swinging my stiff arms like an upright gorilla. Steam was coming out of my nose, thick as King Kong’s breath on some unsuspecting townsperson’s shoulder.
I huffed and puffed with that pent-up tally as you ordered a crepe. The man swirled the batter deliberately, used his fingers to lift and flip the pancake. While the other side sizzled you dug in your purse for change. One coin short, you moaned about high prices, and I ticked four in my head. I also handed you fifty cents.

Your crepe was warm, but you apparently were not, as we picked our way through the nightlife. Five was tallied walking past a porn shop. I ducked my head stupidly as a woman with big hair and big shoes beckoned us in. The neon lights glittered against puddles in the street, which you hated, hated to walk through. You paused, and I wondered, only half jokingly, if you expected me to offer to carry you across the water. I couldn’t anyway, because one entire hand was already carrying your complaints.

You hit six and seven waiting for the crosswalk to turn pedestrian green. My fingers clawed and jutted against my hips, and I trembled a bit. You get uglier every time you talk. Someday, when you’re not so old, I think your chin will melt against your neck. It’s used to being there as you look down your nose at puddles and people and such. Someday your eyebrows will fuse together in a permanent scowl, and then you won’t have to flex any muscles at all to achieve your favorite expression. I think how happy you’ll be, and then remind myself that you won’t be, of course.

Eight was a beggar who clung to your arm for a few seconds until you shook him off. I’ve sorry, sir, I mouthed, I’ve given my fifty cents away to someone else. I don’t think he understood.

Nine was schoolwork, and ten was me. Me, the dawdler, who couldn’t be bothered to appease beggars or glare at prostitutes or ferry over puddles. You threw ten over her shoulder as you continued on, leaving me out of fingers and gasping on the sidewalk. I felt my jacket shred off my arms, felt the fur burst onto my forehead and nose. I was on all fours behind you, pawing the ground with strong feet. You sashayed away, and I sat back on my haunches and watched you go.

In Which a Nightmare Rights Some Wrongs

It's amazing how many wrongs you can right before 10 a.m.

I slept horribly last night; I was so worried about the whole voicemail situation. I had the "racing thoughts" they always talk about in Lunesta ads.

Early this morning, after about 6 hours of sleep, I woke up out of a nightmare. The nightmare was gruesome and terrifying. Most of all, though, it was ironic; in it, I was running from something, and then I was captured, and then I was tortured. Lovely, right? The climax of the entire dream was when I was being dragged down to the dungeon by this evil hag, and I thought to myself, "Why couldn't I have just pretended to be someone else? If I hadn't struggled so much, if I hadn't made such a display of stubborness, I wouldn't be here right now."

And then my alarm went off, and I smiled at the irony of it all, and I set out to right my wrongs.

I did the phone interview I was supposed to have done a month ago for the story I was supposed to have begun weeks ago. I called the leaver of the voicemail to make amends. It was me that had to make amends, you know. She was just being honest. I was being unreliable and immature and lazy. I'm 20 years old, but I still seem to be rather good at those three things.

Perhaps I shouldn't complain about not being treated like an adult unless I'm acting like one.

I'll Miss Things

Gosh, I love it here.

Have you gotten that impression yet?

Why would I ever want to leave?

Grammar and Language is being offered this fall. I want to take Grammar and Language.

A ballet version of Cinderella is coming this fall. I want to see Cinderella.

MCSA secretaries are being appointed this fall. I want to be a secretary.

Rocky Horror Picture Show is being shown (as per tradition) in Edson this fall. I want to see Rocky; this year will be my first year actually understanding what's going on.

I have friends that I'll miss.

I have family I'll miss.

I have professors I'll miss.

I have three jobs that I'll miss.

Sometimes (as you may have guessed), I don't know if I want to go away to Salzburg this fall. I know it's a great opportunity, and that I've wanted to travel my entire life, and that part of the reason I came to UMM in the first place was because they have such a good study abroad program, but still. I guess I'm a little scared. Not of Austria, but of leaving Minnesota. Is that crazy?

Julie seems to think so.

Speech Revisited

I was tabling for the Rally to Restore Affordability today, when Josh, who heads the committee responsible for organizing the event, asked me to give a speech at the Rally Before the Rally tonight.

Before I continue, here's some vocabulary for you:
Rally to Restore Affordability-An annual event that takes place at the MN Capital. Students from all U of MNs are bused in, and get a chance to not only listen to speeches given by their state congressmen and senators, but to actually speak to their legislators one on one. The goal is to let the Minnesota government know that U of MN students will not stand for budget cuts (which lead to higher tuition, cut programs, etc.).

Rally Before the Rally-Took place in Turtle Mountain Cafe at 6 p.m. tonight. The idea was to convince students (by informing them and prompting discussion about why we love UMM) to attend the Rally to Restore Affordability.

Anyway...

You remember that I was in Speech, right? And that I went to State my senior year? (I'm not bragging, I promise. These are informational points.)

Well let me just say that part of the reason I loved Speech (and did fairly well in it) was because I could PREPARE. I had time to research, to write, to memorize.

I am not a good impromptu speaker at all. Never have been, never will be.

So when Josh asked me if I would give a speech in 4 hours, when I realized that that entire 4 hours was already filled with class and work, I became very, very nervous. Luckily the Writing Room was slow enough that I had time to write some notes down, and even to practice a little bit.

Still, though, when I walked up to that podium I was shaking in my shoes. I started off, characteristically, by squeaking the microphone so loudly that everyone in the room screamed. Then I actually started to speak. I talked, firstly, about the basics of The Rally to Restore Affordability. The date, time, what it is, etc. Next, I decided to share my own experiences with the event. I talked about last year, when the event was cancelled because of a snowstorm, and I was secretly relieved because I was scared to death to meet my legislators. I talked about how I didn't feel that I, an ill-informed, hardly political English Major would have anything to say to them. Then I talked about this year, and how I've realized that The Rally is not about politics. The Rally is about students fighting for their U of MN experience. It's about us sharing with our legislators the things we value about our education, and asking them not to take those things away from us through budget cuts. It's not only our right to hold this Rally, it's our responsibility.

When I finished, I walked back to my seat and sat down to listen to the Chancellor.

After she finished speaking, I got with a group of strangers and we discussed the reasons why we had chosen to come to UMM.

After that, I helped to tear down posters, and move tables back into place.

After that, the Chancellor of UMM (whom I've never met, but have always admired), came up to me and said that I had done a wonderful job with my speech, and that I was a great speaker. After that, Josh told me that I had wiped the floor with them (which I translated to mean good job). After that, Mike (president of MCSA) complimented me as well.

After that, I walked back to my dorm smiling.