This American Life

I first discovered the This American Life podcast through some strategic eavesdropping. I was tabling for the MCSA elections when Kathy, who was sitting next to me, began discussing it with a voter. They didn't say much about it, just that it was an addicting podcast that had some interesting (and humorous stories). As soon as I got back to my dorm room, I subscribed to it on itunes.

I didn't actually listen to the program seriously until a few days ago, however. Why? Oh, I suppose because I'm accustomed to using my ipod for music alone, and had a tough time even considering just listening to people talk instead. Also because I typically listen to my ipod when I'm doing something and just need some background noise. I thought I'd probably have trouble concentrating on a story someone was telling in my ears while I was also reading, writing, etc.

The perfect opportunity for T.A.L. came up at work on Tuesday. It was about 5 a.m. and my job was to scurry about the store dusting product and cleaning shelves. It was mundane work that certainly needed an accompanying story.

I had a few different episodes of T.A.L. to choose from. I chose well for the first one. It was called Behind Enemy Lines. The first interview they conducted was with with a former clergyman of the Catholic Church who had spent years at various parishes replacing clergy who had been accused of sexually abusing parishioners, or with sexual misconduct in general (although ironically enough, for clergyman who have taken a vow of celibacy, any sort of sexual conduct is misconduct), and had been thus withdrawn. This particular clergyman's instructions were to basically go into each parish and to completely ignore the crimes committed by his predecessor, all while performing the typical Mass-saying, baby-baptizing, funeral-presiding, marriage-making duties of a priest.

Eventually, the clergyman grew tired of pretending that these gross incidents weren't happening, and he quit the clergy and began to work with a lawyer who was helping sexually abused victims to sue the Church.

It was quite an interesting story, and it made me (once again) question the Catholic Church. I have my faith, yes. I won't go into it here, but I believe in God, and I have a continually developing relationship with Him. I have always liked going to Church; there is a reverence and tradition about a Catholic Mass that is very powerful, I think. But in recent years, all of the things I like about the Catholic Church have been eclipsed somewhat by all of the things that are wrong about the Catholic Church.

It's an institution. It truly is. Has been for centuries and centuries. There are rules one must follow, there are expectations that go beyond the Bible, and there is a deep and festering (and mostly ignored) implication that your loyalty and adherence to the Catholic Church is more important than your relationship with God, and that where the Church stands in politics is where every churchgoing person should stand as well. That is truly wrong.

I remember an incident back in 2008 when I was at Mass with my family and the priest started preaching against Barack Obama, and in support of John McCain. My entire family was very very close to getting up and walking out of that church. Some people did, actually. I realize that there are biases with every parish, and that priests are human just like the rest of us, with just as many opinions. But what I don't understand is how politics fit in with God. What place do they have under a holy roof? What right does any church have to imply, or even to assume that voting for a certain candidate will earn you favor in heaven? I hardly think that Saint Peter checks your political affiliations at the pearly gates.

A line uttered by the (former) clergyman in that T.A.L. podcast that especially struck me was this: "After awhile, I realized that the Catholic Church is not capable of change."

And it isn't. It has resisted any sort of change for centuries, while clenching any type of power deep in its Vatican-rooted fist. The thing is, I'm not proud of the history of the Catholic Church. Selling indulgences? Exchanging them for favors? Persecution? I'm even hard pressed to pinpoint any good the Church has ever done for the world.

I know this all may sound sort of harsh, but I don't feel that it's unwarranted. It's not written on a whim, either; I truly have been pondering all of this for years now. The death of Pope John Paul and the rise of Benedict has especially influenced my thoughts on the matter. John Paul was a truly truly good person who did good things in the world. I don't pretend to know a lot about his policies, but I admired his character greatly. I don't know about Benedict. I just don't know if his values, if his priorities are sound. And with a pope, you should know. It's rather an important position.

Well, I think I'll be done for the night. Thanks for listening, and I hope I haven't offending anyone in any way, especially because I believe there is truth in what I've written here.

I don't know that I'll ever leave the Catholic Church. I think I would if I ever felt like there was absolutely no hope left, and if I stopped getting God out of the Masses, but I also think that switching churches is a big decision, and not one that should be made lightly, nor without complete certainty.

For now, I'll just sit in my pew and listen and look for God in the rafters above the altar.